Hi. I’m Beth, and I’m a mother of five.
If you’re new to this blog, head on over to this page created just for you which explains things in much less detail than the encyclopedia below.
OK, then. You were warned.
I like short walks on the beach. I might like long ones, but I can’t remember the last time I had time for one of those.
I started this blog for my dear, sweet friend who called me one day and said, “If I see one more blog full of pretty ballerinas, I’m going to vomit. Where are the blogs about kids smearing poop on the walls? Where’s your blog?” That made me laugh, as the truth often does, and started me on a mission.
I’m here for you: to provide the comic relief, the grimy truth, and the sweet reality of parenting. Hey – if it can’t be easy, at least it’s awesome.
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Here’s my cast of characters:
Greg is my husband. He’s pretty great. I like him almost all the time.
As if putting up with me and our myriad children isn’t enough, he also has plans to protect us when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives. I rest my case, ladies.
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Abby‘s our oldest. She was born in Vietnam and joined the family when she was nine weeks old. She made me a mommy, and I’m forever grateful. Abby is beautiful and graceful. (My ballerina. See? this blog’s not all poop-on-the-walls.)
She’s also sarcastic and hilarious. In fact, I blame Abby for the fact that we had four more children; if she wasn’t so great, we wouldn’t've gone and had more.
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Ian’s next. He’s named after my dad. You can tell they’re related by they way they both clomp up and down the stairs and can’t regulate their volume. We adopted Ian from Guatemala when he was three and a half years old.
Ian has expressive and receptive language disorders and has led us on many, many adventures in learning how to advocate for kids with special needs.
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Aden’s our middle child. Her name means “fiery” and “beautiful.” Be very careful what you name your children is all I’m saying.
Born in Guatemala, Aden joined our family when she was 15 months old. Aden is endearing and mischievous, which is a nice way of saying, Watch out, World!
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After adopting three kids, we decided to have one the old-fashioned way.
He came with a twin brother.
That’s OK; planning’s for sissies anyway.
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Cai‘s our fourth child. He’s all boy, and he’s joy personified. No one in the world laughs as purely, deliciously, and delightfully as Cai.
You can challenge him to a laugh-off. You’ll see.
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And Cael‘s our fifth; he was born three hours and seventeen minutes after Cai, which, for those of you keeping track at home, means that labor shut down after I delivered one baby, and I had to do it all over again from 6cm. That’s right. That happens. Still traumatized. Turns out, Cael’s my snuggler; as soon as Cai vacated my womb, he just snuggled himself right down and took a long winter’s nap.
I blame Cai’s and Cael’s matchy twin-names on lack of sufficient prep time and the fact that I choke under pressure.
Cael is my cautious and logical child. He’s as sweet as sugar dipped in honey and spread on a cracker.
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And that’s it.
Just the 5 kids.
If you’re still reading, I have a gold star with your name on it and your invitation to Thanksgiving dinner ready to pop in the mail. (Love you, Mom.)
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What a beautiful family!
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Thanks, LaDonna! We sure like them.
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Great family!
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Aw! Thanks, Angela!
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I am new to your site and love it! I am the oldest of 5 kids myself. 5 is a great number, isn’t it? You are a fabulously witty writer! So glad to have you saved as a favorite and look forward to all of your posts!
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Thanks, Mary! And welcome to our Five Kids craziness. We’re sure glad to have you here!
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Beth -
I’m a dad of 3 wonderfull little demons and just found your blog and thought i would drop you a note. I love your writing and found myself chuckling and passing the laptop to my wife to read. I especially loved the post on the big race… Im 37 and thinking about the push to be marathon ready sounds like a a noble goal – but first i should unfold the tredmill and knock the 8months of dust off
Oh and dont let your husband know many of us are planing for the coming zombie apocalypse – after that y2k thing fizzled we need a reason to buy more spam. You should definetly pass him the following link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b60OZhrTB6o for his zombie prep kit. I know his views on communes seem a bit nut but even the CDC is warning of zombies http://www.bt.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp
(enough joking.. not a nutt really
Thanks!
Jason Woodlee
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Thanks for your nice (and hilarious!) comment!
Greg and I both laughed and laughed. Yes, we’re familiar with the CDC’s zombie recommendations… VERY important to get information from reliable sources.
We’ll prepare your family’s tent at the commune, especially since you can bring spam.
Wishing you EVERY bit o’ luck with that marathon! Sounds like you have a solid plan that matches my training regimen over the last month.
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OK, I seriously thought the CDC thing was a joke- but they really do have a plan for that! Ha! Why can’t all our government agencies be that clever and fun!?!
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Hello Beth!
I just wanted to say that you have one heck of a brood, and lovely they be
I wish I could adopt and have a large family, I’d love to have five or six kids! You are truly blessed.
Amber
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Thanks, Amber! What a lovely thing to say. You’re right; I’m very blessed, particularly to have had the honor of making a family through both adoption and growin’ a couple the old-fashioned way.
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What a gorgeous bunch you have! Found you through the Parents funniest blog thing!
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Aw! Thanks, Erica! That makes a mama’s heart happy. Glad to have found YOU. Welcome!
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What a beautiful family! I found your blog yesterday via Parenting- Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, and can’t stop reading and laughing, even though I’m supposed to be studying for a test. I only have two children of my own- twins adopted from overseas- but I grew up as the oldest of five. I completely relate to the chaos/love/laughter of a large family. Thank you for being real about parenting- some days we can only laugh!
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Welcome here, Beth! Rad name, if I do say so myself.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to introduce yourself. I LOVE that, and I’m very glad you’re here. And good luck on that test!
Best,
The Other Beth
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Wow, what a great crew.
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I just wanted to leave a quick note telling you how happy I am to have found your blog. You have a beautiful family, and you never fail to make me laugh. Thanks for that.
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yay! Another mom of 5! Love your blog and the real-ness of it!
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I cannot get to Oregon in the autumn and eat Thanksgiving with you, but would be honored to meet you at Yearly Meeting in July. Thank you for sharing your life!
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Thank you for sharing! What a beautiful family. We are also blessed with kids who arrived into our lives by both adoption and birth. My blog would be titled Three Kids Put Me Over The Edge, so having 5 makes you like a superhero in my view! Keep up the fun and the great writing.
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As a fellow mom of 3 bio and 2 adopted, I feel you pain, joy and love.
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Visiting your blog from Amman, Jordan, via the hilarious Crappy Pictures blog. Your family is stunning and amazingly beautiful. I am a mom of four, myself. I’ve often thought of adding that “caboose” of a fifth one, but seeing how I just turned 40 and am now a lunatic with the patience of a squirrel, I think I’ll stick to four.
I’ll be back to visit, for sure. Thanks for making me laugh and smile today.
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I turn 39 tomorrow. “Lunatic with the patience of a squirrel” sums it up incredibly well.
Welcome here, Jennifer. Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself!
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I just found your blog via CrappyPictures (I feel like I post that on everyone’s blog nowadays). I love that you said “planning’s for sissies.” Planning obviously can be a good thing, but I think people overdo it. My husband and I decided to let God choose how many kids we would have and when (and it really takes the pressure off!) over a year and a half ago, and I’m just now about three months pregnant (YAY!!). I also want to say I admire you for having your twins naturally. That’s so awesome! Sorry it was traumatizing for you, but that’s a big deal. That almost never happens in the Western world anymore.
Anyway, thanks for sharing about your family. You all sound great and I’m wishing I knew you in person
By the way, you look really young to have a fourteen-year-old kid.
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Welcome, Mariah. So glad you’re here. Please continue making “you look terribly young” comments. I turn 39 tomorrow, and my mirror tells me a whole different story. (Stupid mirror.)
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Wow. I never would have guessed! Good for you
All these ladies with their 2 kids and their gray hair and wrinkles… psh. They probably don’t laugh enough.
Oh, and happy birthday!!
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Hi! I just found you through CrappyPictures. I have 5 kids too with a set of twins thrown in (although mine were only 2 hours and 15 minutes apart). You don’t look old enough to have a 14 year old!
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Welcome, Megan! Anyone who says I look young instead of haggard is a friend of mine. (And how about that twin labor, huh? I’m still recovering!
)
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Okay, I am now grateful to my girls…Gwen only waited 17 minutes after her sister vacated to exit (which assuredly did not just merely exit….she left at launch speed…which is where she’s still at)
I can’t wait to read more…I’ve got four….
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New from Parenting, Illustrated with Crappy Pictures here. I’m a single mom of twin boys (2 1/2) and lucky for me (or not, I guess that depends on your viewpoint) they are only 1 minute apart.
I turned 41 3 days after having my little loves. So, as somebody older (not saying wiser), you look marvelous! And happy belated birthday!!
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I can’t wait to dive into this blog! I loved your post for Crappy pictures. Your family is beautiful!!!
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just had to stop by when I saw another Beth with five kiddos – blessings!
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I love their names especially Miss Aden’s. My daughter’s name is Adyn
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You’re hilarious and your family is beautiful. Oh, and I’m looking forward to that dinner, we’ll be on your doorstep Thanksgiving day
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I am hooked after reading page 1 of your blog…….We are kindred spirits…….We have three adopted out of foster care two of which are twin boys, one well planned with lots of help from the medical community and then one “are you kidding me?!” Five kids is a lot of kids! I think I will visit your blog more often, thanks for telling it like it is.
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What a gorgeous, precious family you have Beth. Glad I found your blog tonight as it has bought both a smile to my face and a tear to my eye, all good. I am certainly going to bed with all intentions of cherishing the little things with my own five children (3, 5, 7,9 and 11) in the morning… and so glad I can go to bed without feeling guilty that I haven’t cleaned out my linen closet as I had intended to today. Such perfect timing for me to see the pic of yours just as perfectly organised as mine that now I think I’ll keep it that way! I look forward to following you, and reading of the joys and challenges of parenting five children, all the way from Australia.
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I love your blog! I mean, I REALLY love it. Very funny, very real. And I truly appreciate a mom-blog that is not all preachy and sanctimonious. Good job!
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Hi Beth! I’m not a new ready, but I am the only one awake in my house right now. ( PARTAY!! QUIET…. PEACEFUL….. PAAARRRRRRRTAAAY!) I was re-reading through some of your posts, and realized that I’d missed the invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. How sweet of you, what should I bring? ;-p
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Oh my word Beth…I am smiling and have a wet face all in one. Kinda like an upside down rainbow. You are more than hilarious and I LOVE the fact that you made adoption a first instead of a second.
I am already addicted to your blog and I have only read the “about us”. I am that mom too who’s life is real…I am constantly begged to start a blog because I have REAL LIFE stories and they aren’t sugar-coated and are mostly hysterical (of course, after 30 minutes or so).
Excited to have found you…I will read when I have time (which may be when you have moved on to sharing your journey of your grandkids). *wink*
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Beth,
You are the perfect combo of your dad’s wit and your mother’s sweetness. I think having Jeff for a brother prepared you for motherhood. Every child is different, every set of rules has to be modified to be realistic and effective for each child… and parent! You make me smile, you make me laugh with your words and you are blessing five precious beings with your gift for parenting and finding humor in the chaos of this delightful ride we call, Life. Keep on blogging! From your way-back-when across the street neighbor in T.O. xo
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Another Mom of five kids here!! Really glad I found your blog, it makes me feel less insane when I can read about other families with lots of kids. We are a military family so we get the extra added fun of the occasional deployment thrown in there.
I look forward to reading more!
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Hey Beth! Thank you for posting this. Ever since I was directed to you by Amber’s blog, I have wondered what the whole awesome story was. There has to be a name for moms who covet international adoption like I do, and I always want to hear every word how it came to be! Your family is really terrific, I’m enjoying every post. No pressure.
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All I can say is THANK GOD!!! I am a mother of SIX! 2 through 15, two of which are teenage girls. I started a blog a long time ago called The REAL Real Housewife just because I was tired of all the picture perfect mom blogs out there. However, I stopped blogging bc I just couldn’t find the time. Your blog is a breath of fresh air! So down to earth and so very true! You’ve got a beautiful bunch! kepp on keepin it real, girl!
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All I can say is THANK GOD!!! I am a mother of SIX! 2 through 15, two of which are teenage girls. I started a blog a long time ago called The REAL Real Housewife just because I was tired of all the picture perfect mom blogs out there. However, I stopped blogging bc I just couldn’t find the time. Your blog is a breath of fresh air! So down to earth and so very true! You’ve got a beautiful bunch! keep on keepin it real, girl!
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I too have five….one single and two sets of twins 2 years apart…we joke that we are the odd family, because we had one then three then five:) my friends called us the zoo hence the email address….:) Loved everything I’ve read so far and can relate to most of it!…lol….keep it up!…:)
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You have a beautiful family! I look forward to reading your blog more often!
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Thank goodness for another down to earth mom blog! After reading several other mommy blogs who talk about perfect birthday parties (I’m sorry, but kids really don’t care if their name is screen printed on the goody bag, it’s about what’s in the bag) I’ve come to the conclusion that a. I want a huge glass of wine, because b. I’ll never be that kind of mom. I too am a mom of twin boys (as well as a twin myself) and blogger, although I’m fairly new to the blogging world. I look forward to reading more about you and your ‘real’ family!
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Im new to this blog! And I so look forward to reading it! I to am a mommy to almost 5! I have 3 boys and a little girl and another boy due in April! YAY ME!
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Hi Beth, I am also a mother of 5.
We just found your blog and are excited to look around. We just started a family.. Vlog I guess they are called 
http://www.veryinterestingfamily.com We aren’t sure where it’s going but love the inspiration we are getting from your blog.
Much Love, A very interesting family <3
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I look forward to Thanksgiving
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I too have an Aidan (mines a boy) and I too sometimes wonder why I thought giving my kid a name that means fiery was a good idea.
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Your family reminds me so much of my family. I have five kiddos, too. Ages almost 11 down to 12-mo-old twins. Blessed with three bountiful, beautiful boys and then blessed unexpectedly with twin daughters. I can’t say that I love “every” minute of it, but I’m still here and still smilin’ most days.
Thank you for this blog. I just happened upon it and it brought a ray of sunshine into my day. God bless you and your fantastic family!
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ohmygoodness!! we have 5 kids too, so I knew
a) we’d be instant friends and
b) I just HAD to keep reading.
I love your writing, I read your article “20 things parents should hear”, once I read it, I instantly wanted to read more. Thank you, for most of all pointing out how it isn’t perfect all the time, but there are moments of pure, blissful, joy. And that love is love is love…..and the love we feel for our families is fierce and wonderful. You have many gifts, thank you for sharing them with us…..it’s a journey, full of learning and my children have stretched and forced my heart to grow in ways I never though possible.
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oh, and ps, my children are ages 17,16,14,13 and 9…..4 boys, 1 girl.
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