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Tag Archives: Gross
Vomit Lift-Off
We went from “I feel sick” to Vomit Lift-Off in 1.5 hours today. I consider this a victory. I mean, it’s not a family record or anything. We’ve had middle-of-the-night and out-of-a-dead-sleep yarfing episodes that carry a zero-to-TAKE-COVER rating, so … Continue reading
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Greg’s Not Home Tonight: A Very Bad Haiku
This isn’t a real post. Just an ode to Greg not being home. In very, very bad haiku. Greg’s Not Home Tonight Greg’s not home tonight. He’s at a meeting for work. I’m home with five kids. Three kids are fighting. … Continue reading
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I’m a Pee Fight Pacifist
Look, I don’t usually take on extreme positions here. I’m just not that kind of girl. I tend to be all mushy and “well, there are two sides to every story” and “I’m sure she had the best intentions” and … Continue reading
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Credit Where Credit is Due
I’m trying to decide if telling you I was down with the grips is too much information, but you all keep acting like friends so this is pretty much your fault. The problem with proving I have a brain filter, … Continue reading
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Kids Pooped in My Front Yard and I’m on a Podcast
True story from our weekend. Ready? Some kids pooped in my front yard. My kids. The End That’s not really the end. Some kids pooped in my front yard. My kids. They used toilet paper to wipe. The … Continue reading
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Stuff We Step On: It’s Not Just the Legos
As I read your responses to 5 Quick Questions, volume 2, I noticed a disturbing trend, friends, and I started to develop a theory. Rather than be an alarmist, though, I took my time analyzing the data. Combing through your … Continue reading
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UPDATED: How to Clean a Toilet. Or… my toilet brush doesn’t work for crap.
I caught myself muttering in the bathroom the other night as I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the toilet with sadly limited results. This toilet brush doesn’t work for crap, I mumbled. Which was true and also true. My toilet needed … Continue reading
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Lowering the Bar: a Happy Schadenfreude Post
I haven’t showered since Monday. Just thought you’d want to know so you can feel completely awesome about all you’ve accomplished this week. Any amount of personal grooming puts you ahead of me. It’s like my special present to you. … Continue reading
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Just Plane Sick
In a few hours, we’re going to meet people we don’t know who’ve generously offered to let us stay in their home in Guatemala. I’m bringing vomit-laced clothes as a thank you gift because thank you gifts are important if … Continue reading
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Sometimes Bad Smells Happen to Good People
It was just … persistent, you know? Pervasive but subtle. Like a ghost intent on the haunting. A fleeting whiff here. A vanishing fragrance there. But still inescapably everywhere, tapping me on the shoulder and then giggling at me when I … Continue reading
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