I got out of the shower to a 4-year-old audience. He patted my belly. I asked why. “Because it makes WAVES.” (Nice knowing you, self-esteem.)
You know how the news media break into your regular scheduled programming — usually the series finale of a GREAT show — to give you the latest on something trivial? Like, for example, in our region, that it might snow.
Well, not right now. It’s May. But in the winter, we get that kind of news break a lot.
The news reporter, bundled up in her royal blue, hooded parka, stands on a desert-dry street noting that a 3-year-old child and her dog named Bixby are eye-witnesses to the single flake that fell six hours ago.
Stop everything! There might be snow!
Yeah. I’m about to do that kind of thing to you. But I want you to know that I’m really sorry (because advance apologies of willful disobedience make everything OK).
FYI, in preparation, I’ve been trying to track down a dog named Bixby to be my eye-witness, but I’ve got nothin’ so far. So you’re just going to have to take my word for this.
Stop everything! I have breaking news.
This just in!
Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids IS NOW ON FACEBOOK.
I’m on FACEBOOK and TWITTER, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve done it.
Why, oh why, would I do such a thing? You might be wondering.
Well, I did it so I can give you life-changing updates, of course. Impacting, meaningful, essential pieces of information and advice.
How else would you discover stuff like this?…“I shouldn’t have consequences, Mom. I just closed the door. It’s not my fault Dad’s face got in the way.” by my grounded 11-year-old
… and …Downtime? Ha! I laugh in the face of your silly downtime. Who needs it? (psst… Downtime, for a good time, call me.)
… and …Wailing and gnashing of teeth. The whoopie cushion died. I hope my kids mourn me this sincerely.
See how necessary it all is?
Yeah; alright. So that’s not the only reason. Although I admit that Facebook and Twitter are a very nice outlet for those pesky, little, havoc-wreaking thoughts that take up my brain space.
But the biggest and BEST reason to hang out on Facebook and Twitter is to give you more options. Options for a) receiving blog post updates, and b) interacting with me and each other.
Those two are simply the best conversational platforms around, and continuing the conversation is important. It makes for sanity. And sanity makes for safe children. And safe children make for a peaceful planet. And a peaceful planet… we’re saving the WORLD, folks!
So, if you want more updates… or new ways to connect… or to pass me along to your friends… I’d love to hear from you via Facebook (ya have to press “Like” if you want Facebook updates) or Twitter. Or, as always, through blog comments or e-mail at email@example.com.
On the other hand, if you have all of us you can already stand, be still thy clicking hand.
Either way, I’m grateful for you.
P.S. Please note, if you’d like to receive this kind of inanity but you don’t have Twitter, fret not, friend! My Twitter feed will automatically update to Facebook, and, if you “like” me there, you won’t miss a thing. Except for trying to figure out the correct conjugation of “to tweet,” which is harder than I thought.
P.P.S. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Great. But how do I get to Facebook or Twitter??”… I’ll tell ya. You can click on the Facebook and Twitter links in this message, or there are super helpful buttons on the right sidebar you can push, too. I’m here to meet all your clicking needs.