I have a crush on someone besides my husband.
It’s another man.
I say that lest you think I have a crush on a loaf of manchego cheese or a steaming cup of coffee, for which I’m equally likely to develop inappropriate feelings.
The man to which I refer haunts my dreams.
He’s hot, yet approachable.
He’s always, always doing the right thing.
He’s good with children. And old people. And a wrench.
And he has a killer accent.
Seriously, people. I think Disney was out to seduce moms when they created Handy Manny.
It’s not right, Disney. Not right at all.
I had a Handy Manny crush years ago. My littles would watch him with his optimistic “we can fix it right!” slogan, and I would sigh, eat bon bons, and daydream.
Oh, Manny. You’re just so handy.
I thought my Manny crush was gone along with cleaning bottles, wiping baby butts, and rolling up the soaker hoses that were my breasts. But the crush came back with a roar this week, and I was helpless in its wake.
Maybe it’s because our van transmission couldn’t hold his liquor and spewed his guts all over the road.
Van = dead.
Maybe it’s because our microwave beeps and lights up and keeps time… but doesn’t heat anything anymore. I know, because I tried to warm my coffee three times before I broke down in a puddle caffeine-deprived angst, beat my head on my counter-top, and wailed, “Why? Why does the universe HATE ME?” not unlike Nellie from Little House on the Prairie. It wasn’t pretty, folks. Not pretty at all.
Microwave = dead.
Maybe it’s because our oven doesn’t heat on the first try… or because I’m still using an ice pick in place of a button to turn it on.
Oven = on life support.
Or maybe I shouldn’t say any of this since I have a husband that, believe it or not, I try to not drive away, screaming, to Mexico. (Take me with you, Greg!)
So, I told Greg about my latest Mann-fatuation. I felt it was only fair, before he finds the photo of Manny I cut out and hid in my top dresser drawer.
Greg’s response? “If I ever meet him, he has a problem…. right after I put him to work on our oven.”
Annnndddd… snap! Just like that, my crushing reverted firmly into the husband zone. That Greg; he still knows how to woo me after all these years.
Oven? Microwave? Are you guys listening? ‘Cause that is HOT!
P.S. Don’t forget to enter the random drawing giveaway! Send me a Back to School photo by 10:00pm (PDST) on Thursday, September 14th. Winner announced Friday!