Special: Large Cowboy (and other compelling reasons for my husband to come home)

I love my husband very much.

And I miss him while he’s away.

And I often worry about what in the world I’d do if anything ever happened to Greg.

(FYI, I worry because it’s useful and productive.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.  If you stop, you’ll be letting down millenia of mothers who’ve upheld that fine tradition.  And you do NOT want to be the weak link.  That’s kind of like not keeping the chain letter going, and we all know what happens then.  In short:  Fear; it’s what’s for dinner.)

See, I have five kids, and, well, even though I’m a creative writer, I can’t begin to figure out how to spin the number 5 (FIVE!) on a Match.com or eHarmony profile.  Like, do I say “more than 2 kids?”  How about “less than 6?”  I mean, really.  Which is less likely to send men screaming from their computers?  It’s a conundrum, I tell you.

And I’m also telling you:  Greg should come home soon.

Very.

Soon.

I have a reason that’s even more compelling than INeedYouToGetYourButtBackHere ‘CauseI’mGoingALittleSillyInMyHead and IfIHaveToDefrostTheFridgeA3rdTime I’mAfraidIMightGetAConcussion FromBeatingMyHeadOnTheWall.

And my brand, new, shiny, compelling reason is this, the thing I saw advertised in our hometown over the weekend:

Ahem.

That’s a special if I ever did see one.

Large cowboy.  $10.

Now, I’m not saying that Greg can be replaced.

I’m just saying that finding a stand-in just got a WHOOOLLLE lot easier.

The End

……….

P.S. Thank you, Papa Murphy’s Pizza, for this.  And for staring at me out the window while I stopped my car to take this shot.  And for not calling the fuzz while I squatted on your sidewalk with my camera and made you feel weird.  And for letting me come in and try to tell you that you had sandwich-board GOLD out there, which you didn’t understand.  But, still, you let me TRY, which was sweet.

Papa Murphy’s, you always have the best deals in town, but, MAN!  (Literally.)  You outdid yourselves this time.  Congrats, and many happy returns.  I love you.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
5 comments
  1. bwahahahaha!

    firstly, i am glad you found me over on Kami’s blog. (and i understand more than i should about justifying mommy’s potty time. not good, friends.)

    my husband was out of town (and the country) for 8 days in September and – even with just TWO kids – i thought i was going to go a special kind of nuts-o some days.

    i’m glad your husband is home… maybe you should go out and get that Cowboy together, eh? 🙂

  2. Not that you will EVER need this information, but when I was dating online (which is where I found my Mr. Wonderful, BTW) I met several awesome men who were not scared in the least by my 5 children. (Of course, they hadn’t MET any of them at that point, but that’s neither here nor there.)
    Probably because I was so freakin’ H O T.
    I miss the hot me. I bet Mr. Wonderful does, too.
    But $10-that’s amazing. I will move to your hometown, should the need ever arise.

  3. By the way, it would have been really interesting if the “Large Cowboy $10” sign had been posted near the sign I once saw outside the Newberg Thrift Store “Pants 1/2 Off”.

  4. 1) Of course worrying is productive. If you don’t spend hours worrying, fretting and ‘catastrophizing’ beforehand, can you ever really say you’ve accomplished anything? I think NOT.

    2) Your fears regarding internet dating & women with children are probably partially due to me because, as I’ve said, when I was on eHarmony and Match prior to meeting Melissa, I got paired up with ALL the single mothers whether or not we had anything in common. Why? Because I was apparently one of the few men who didn’t mind if a woman had children. Most men online–and my friend Jenn who’s a single mother confirms this–do not want women with “baggage” (i.e. “children”), regardless of the man’s age or the age of the women in his ‘pool’.

  5. So just to be clear: the ‘Large Cowboy’ is a pizza? Ah well, life’s full of disappointments I guess… 😉
    Imagine raising 5 kids together with a cowboy, I bet it’d be spectacular! You’d have to have at least 6 horses (because of course you&cowboy would ride one together), quite possibly loads of cattle in the back yard, you could TOTALLY get away with wearing hats all the time, ‘yeehaw’ would be your new lingo (and I know how much you like new lingo), and there would be saloon doors all over your house… Okay, I’m getting a bit carried away now, so I’ll stop. (if you want me to continue, let me know, hahaha!)

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