Notice Regarding Policy Change

Notice Regarding Policy Change
December 1, 2011

In an effort to maximize resources and optimize performance, the Management implements the following Family Policy Change:

Children’s needs, be they emergency, attention-seeking, legitimate or otherwise, shall heretofore occur consecutively. “Consecutive” shall be defined as “following one after another without interruption.”

This policy expressly and deliberately prohibits any and all Activities which result in Needs that occur in a simultaneous or concurrent fashion. Such Activities include, but are not limited to, the following:

  • “He hit me!”
  • “HEY! That’s MY hammer.”
  • Any statement prefaced by the word “MommyMomMomMomMommyMom!”
  • “I just wanted to see how far up my nose it would go.”
  • “But it was a good idea because…”
  • “She pushed me FIRST!”
  • “But you said I could have some smack.”
  • Anything that begins with wrestling.

Adherence to this policy is mandatory and effective immediately. Please order your needs accordingly, and queue them appropriately.

Signed,
The Management

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
6 comments
  1. I’m considering a suit claiming copyright infringement.

    1. You’d have to file suit against my entire life, Papa!

  2. Let me know how this works. It’s a good policy in theory…I can’t wait to see it in practice!

    1. Me, too! Someone should practice it and let me know how it works out. 😉

  3. Good luck with that! lol

    1. Thanks, but I’m sure it’ll go swimmingly. 😉

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