“Santa, Baby” for the Modern Mama

It’s not that Santa doesn’t mean well. He does. It’s just that the Big Guy seems to know a lot about how to fill my kids’ and my husband’s stockings, and, well, I think I’ve made it historically hard on him with my “oh, I don’t need anything” and “get me whatever” comments.

This year, I’m changing all that by providing the Jolly Old Elf with a tiny bit of guidance in the form of Stocking Ideas for Her.

What’s better than that, right? Why, having it as a musical, of course!

So here it is, friends:

Santa, Baby for the Modern Mama
Stocking Ideas for Her: The Musical


Thanks, Credits, and Various Asides

Special thanks to Webb, who requested I rewrite Dear Santa, About My Stocking to this tune. I didn’t do it. But reader, Rochelle Deans, did. Which cracked me up and WAS AWESOME CAKES of her.

With Rochelle’s permission (after I did it, but whatever), I played with her work. And then I coerced my recording artist friends, Melissa Thomas and Nate Macy, to perform it for us. This recording was their first crack at it. FIRST ONE. Talented people blow me away, y’all. Unbelievable.

I should note, because I promised, that Melissa agreed to perform this song only if I published a disclaimer that she’s sick and her voice is shot. It’s true; she sounded terrible when we met to record. Hoarse voice. Strained vocal cords. Fits of coughing. Until she started singing. Then, as always, she sounded incredible. Five gazillion times better than I ever will. Le sigh.

Just want to end with a Great Big Thank You to all of you who are willing to goof off and have fun with me here. Or who write with suggestions. Or who take the time to share yourselves with me in the comments. You have influence here, more than you know, and I appreciate you so very much for taking the time to treat me like a friend and to play!



ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
  1. I can’t wait until Christmas now so I can show my husband! This is brilliant!!!

  2. Perfect, love it! The list itself was amusing, but set to music hit it out of the park. 🙂

  3. I don’t know what’s more fabulous… the song? Or the fact that I know the famous artists personally.

  4. Kudos to all involved. I think you’ve really outdone yourself Beth!

  5. So fun! And well done!

    1. They do good work! Thanks, Terri.

  6. How fun Beth! What a fun idea!

  7. It’s true: even on a “bad” day, Melissa sounds better than the rest of us will in heaven.

    If this goes viral (like it should) I’m picturing a deluxe recording with a “Pink Martini” style arrangement: woodwinds, strings, percussion. And maybe a video. And even a tour…AND a tour bus. Then there could be roadies, and groupies, and even a flunky who arranges for bowls of green M&Ms and cases of Evian water for hair washing. And, of course, souvenir t-shirts, ’cause that’s where the money’s really made.

    Coming next Christmas: The Five is a Lot of Kids “Santa Baby” Tour, playing at a venue near you.

    1. I’m in! Clearly, I haven’t leveraged merchandising the way I should. Perhaps I can market the souvenir t-shirts pre-stained with snot, ketchup, and sticky bits of candy… a truly authentic 5 Kids shirt.

      1. Back in the day, you could have offered ‘Cai Cai drool stain shirts’–a unique fashion statement, not to mention an “Aden tiger suit”.

        Obviously, Abby is the one to put in charge of developing your fashion line.

  8. Woohoo!

  9. I loved it! Absolutely awesome. 🙂

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