On Moving to Belize

Exciting news, friends! Greg and I, along with our kids, are moving to Belize! We don’t have a timeline yet, as we’re just in the initial phases of looking for riverfront property in the Cayo district — probably on the Macal River — but stay tuned for more info.

Also — IMPORTANT — don’t tell Greg yet, please.

I haven’t technically mentioned it to him yet because I’ve learned it takes a while to break news like this to him.

First of all, he has no sense of spontaneity, so as soon as I say, “GREG! EXCITING NEWS,” he won’t wait to hear what it is. He’ll just say no by default, and then when I actually tell him, he’ll begin a litany of Why The Amazing Thing Beth Is Planning Is Impractical, Financially Impossible, and Against The Natural Order. As a result, I’ll need to both craft a slow and subtle way to ease him into this news — my current plan is to manufacture a surprise confrontation while he’s pooping so he can’t escape — and also prepare My Defense so when he says, “The kids have to finish school, Beth,” I can say, “There are schools in Belize, Greg, OR our kids could drop out of school and become billionaires like Richard Branson, or awarding-winning directors like Quentin Tarantino, or rappers-turned-entrepreneurs like JayZ.” I feel like that logic is infallible.

Secondly, Greg tends not to believe me when I make Exciting New Plans for our lives, so I’m going to have to invent a way to ensure he knows I Really Mean It This Time. See, THIS is why it’s dangerous to get someone a fake miniature horse instead of a REAL miniature horse; I SHOULD’VE FOLLOWED THROUGH ON THE HORSE, y’all. I KNEW I should’ve followed through on the horse. If I’d followed through on the horse, he’d know I mean it about Belize. So, you know, if you have any suggestions for convincing him I’m serious, LMK, K?

That’s really all I’ve got for now. I’ve been radio silent around here for a couple weeks because I’ve been on a homeschooling road trip with the youngest two, and now I’m visiting the oldest at college. I think I had a day and a half at home in between the two (five kids’ needs is a lot of kids’ needs, friends), and so I spent it wisely — researching real estate in Belize. 

More soon.

Love to you all,




P.S. Abby and I are busy creating new twinsie pics for you.

Because we care. 


ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
  1. Did my study abroad in Belize. Love it there, moving sounds good!

  2. The only thing I know about Belize is a retired friend of ours goes to Belize to have dental work done because it costs a lot less than it does here. He has been down there a few times. He’s a musician and works down there when he visits, so it pays for the trip. Maybe cheap dental work will help convince Greg.

  3. This is how I’m approaching the hedgehogs and goats I need in my back yard!

  4. Enjoy Belize. In words that have been attributed to everyone from Confucius to Buckeroo Bonzai, “Just remember: no matter where you go, there you are.”

  5. Oh Beth, once again I think you and I are the same person. I pitched this to my husband about a year ago. Still working on it.

  6. My wife has land in Belize! But we can’t live there because we have teh gay and they would execute us.

    Come to Uruguay instead!

    1. You have the gay. LOL You’r awesome!

  7. Enjoy Belize. Just remember the quote that has been attributed to everyone from Confuscius to Buckeroo Bonzai, “Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”

  8. Oh my gosh thank you for the morning laugh! I’m ready to roll out of bed now and attack my 5 monsters!

  9. I’m all for spontaneous life changes (we’ve just moved to Ireland!)… I have a friend who moved to Belize from the UK. She fell in love with a rasta, got rid of all her stuff, jumped on a plane and moved to be with him. When she came back she gave me a pumice done she had plucked while sitting in a lagoon eating mangoes straight from the tree…
    But yes, she came back. It was because a gangster shot her cooker.

    1. Stone. Pumice stone.
      The narrative is ruined once again by autocorrect!

      1. But a gangster shooting her cooker isn’t autocorrect?!

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