Took my kid to the orthodontist this morning.
He had to have brace wires removed so I could take him to the dentist to get four teeth pulled.
Spilled my coffee.
All 20 ounces. All over the floor of the orthodontist’s office. I put it on the floor, then immediately kicked it over. I hadn’t had coffee yet, so I couldn’t clearly think through coffee placement. It’s a Catch 22, I tell you, this whole Had to Perform Coffee Tasks Before Having Coffee situation. It’s not right. We live in a broken world, friends.
Went to the dentist.
Handed over an 11yo for medieval torture.
I lied and lied and told him it would be fine. “You’ll be FINE. Walk in the park. No big deal, man.” I didn’t feel like the truth was particularly helpful in this case. Like, “YES, IT WILL BE AWFUL. Hopefully not for long, though. Hopefully, there will be less than 30 minutes while the dentist widens your bone socket, slowly rips your ligaments, and wrenches your tooth free. FOUR TIMES.” <— I didn’t say that. Not even with my eyes. I expect a trophy later, please.
Kid did fine.
He thought it was no big deal, just as I said. This is what we parents call Positive Reinforcement for Lying. They say we cling to our dysfunctions because, on some level, they function for us, yes? Thus continues the cycle of falsehood and deceit. As my parents lied to me — “we’re not lost, Beth; we’re just having an adventure” — so I lie to my children. It’s important to have family traditions.
I have one child leaking gauze and bloody spittle while playing Fortnite on the couch, one child vomiting in the hall bathroom because blood freaks him out, and one girl child standing in the backyard yelling, “TELL ME WHEN THE BLOOD AND VOMIT ARE GONE. I AM NOT COMING HOME UNTIL THEY ARE DONE. BROTHERS ARE DISGUSTING AND GROSS AND SICKENING [note: we’ve been working on synonyms, so is was a win — I shall be accepting a trophy for this tonight, as well], AND THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE ME ANTOHER SISTER, MOM.”
In conclusion, I live a life of glamour.
That is all for now.
Just a quick update.
Also, bread photos below because they’re prettier than bloody mouth pics.
With love (and waving, as always),
P.S. How you doin’?
P.P.S. Bread pics:
Know what that is? Besides bread? It’s No Knead Bread. The famous New York Times recipe. It requires thinking a day in advance, which isn’t always my strong-suit as a mama, but it only takes 10 minutes of hands-on time TOTAL, and I DO love that.
It’ll make you feel like a rock star homesteading miracle worker. Even with twelve kinds of body fluids erupting from your children. PLUS you get to comfort yourself with homemade carbs.
Win/win, I tell you.