If you read How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey and found the directions helpful but insufficiently detailed — or helpful, but, now that you’ve tried it, you’ve run into some unforeseen difficulties — you’re not alone. I hear you, friends. I see the profound need as we prepare for Gluttony Day here in America. We are a community, and we care about each other! And that’s why we’ve set up this New Hotline — right here in the comments section — to address any specific needs you may have.
For example, I heard from my dear friend, Sally, this morning.
IMPORTANT QUESTION, SALLY. And one ignored in the 11 Step Directions for How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey. But FEAR NOT, because I can help you, and — little known fact — you do NOT need a bigger microwave.
Good advice, yes?
I mean, yes — most of it was good advice, but my brother noticed one big problem.
Folks, THIS IS WHY WE NEED EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHY COMMUNITY IS SO ESSENTIAL. We have GOT TO STOP thinking we can go it alone. THINK OF ALL THE DAMAGED MICROWAVES WE WOULD HAVE were it not for cooperative and kind collaboration.
Which leads me to the Hotline:If you are new to microwaving your 25 pound turkey, you may have questions like Sally. Of COURSE you do. So Jeff and I are here to help.
Post any questions you have in the comments, and we’ll get back to you ASAP with info so everyone can have a microwave disaster this Thanksgiving. Consider it our gift to you.
P.S. PLEASE DO ANSWER QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS, TOO. It takes a Village to microwave a 25 pound turkey. We need all the collective wisdom we can gather.
P.P.S. Jeff technically doesn’t know he’s participating in this, because I haven’t told him yet, but he’s my baby brother, so I’ve trained him to do what he’s told. Honestly, he was better at doing what he was told when he was a child and didn’t have troublesome roadblocks to following orders like “a backbone” and “high self-esteem” and his “own family, so I can’t do what you want every damn time, Beth; my wife and kids need me, too,” but I feel it’s important, when you love someone, not to give up on him. I’m resilient, is what I’m saying. I am resilient, and I persevere. I SHALL OVERCOME. #BigSister #BossForLife