by Beth Woolsey -

9 May 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

Dear Diary,

Today’s the day. Abby and Chandler’s college graduation in the stadium in Honolulu.

The cheering and being the Too Loud Mommy one more time as they walk across the stage.

The chaos of trying to find them afterward and lei them with the flowers I sent Greg to buy in Chinatown this morning.

The big party on the lanai in Abby’s building with all their friends, thrown with Audrey’s family — Abby’s bestie from kindergarten through their senior year of college — seventeen years in a row of school together, seeing each other through triumph and trauma. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

35+ Things We’re ACTUALLY Buying for Christmas (in Case You Need Ideas for Real Humans)

OK, you’ve seen the lists, right? 100 Top Christmas Gift Ideas! Great Holiday Gifts for EVERYONE! 50 Stocking Stuffers Under $50. I mean, I’ve seen them. I READ them every year hunting for perfect presents for all the folks on my list. But I also spend a lot of time laughing at HOW RIDICULOUS some of the ideas are for those of us *ahem* on a budget (!) and I ALSO wonder if any of the list writers would Really, Truly, ACTUALLY spend their Very Own Money on those items for their humans. I LOVE my kids — to the MOON — and I’ve scrimped and saved in years past for Big Ticket Items like bikes and computers when the time (and job market) are right. I don’t begrudge any families that type of gift or spending. But I ALSO am Extremely Unlikely to purchase my teen daughter a $135+ face lotion from GOOP (or wherever), even if it does show up on every single “hottest items this season” list. I just… no. Nope. Not for us. And so, sifting through all the ideas lists becomes something of a slog, looking for a gem in pile of otherwise unusable info for me.  ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Engagement Parties. And the Importance of Showing Up. Haphazard Lifestyle Advice: How to Wedding, Part 4

{I originally wrote this at the beginning of September, but, you know, things happen. I’m publishing this now, out of chronological sequence for events in my life. So, you know; the timeline is off, but whatever. Most of me is “off” anyway, so it may be more authentic this way, anyway.}

Alrighty, friends; I’m about to disclose everything I know about  parenting, friendship, and being a real, live community, aimed at caring well for each other. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Stuff Under My Couch: A Cautionary Tale of Doom and Despair

I moved my couch last week, which is always a big mistake. Huge, really. And in retrospect, I can think of no worthy justification. Just literally none.

I mean, moving it for a party so more people will fit? It seems like a good reason to displace furniture, but now that I know what sort of dust and allergens, biohazards and malice I’ve stirred up, I really should’ve just let traffic flow suffer. Let people trip over the couch arms. Risk folks being trapped in the living room with no good exit strategy. But I failed to conduct the proper cost/benefit analysis for Couch Moving, even though I have excellent raw data that show the precarious predicament we always face.  ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Your Advice Needed: Prank Emergency

EMERGENCY, friends. We have an emergency, and your advice is needed.

You may have heard that Easter is on April Fool’s Day this year. THIS GIVES US BARELY OVER 3 WEEKS to create a Master Prank Plan to Fool the Children. This is TIME SENSITIVE, folks. We have Things to Do, Plots to Scheme, and not a whole lot of time in which to accomplish it. I feel like it would be ungrateful to the cosmos that went to so much trouble to align these two events to waste this opportunity. I also feel like Jesus would want us to celebrate his resurrection by tricking small humans. I mean, WWJD, right? J is cheering us on here. I’m sure of it. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Easy Peasy, Two Ingredient Jam Tart

Alright, folks. It’s 5 days ‘til Christmas, and I don’t know about you, but I still have 85,000 things to do and the energy for, like, 6 of them. It’s OK, though. I am not panicking, and do you know why? Because I intend to half-ass All the Things from here on out. I will give partial effort that LOOKS like full effort. I will do what delights me and spreads magic, and I will let go of all the things that do not qualify. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Happy Independence… From the Christians

I feel like it’s safe to say there are two kinds of people in this world: those who would never, ever, EVER laugh at people who experience developmental delay — you know, the conscientious, compassionate, kind type of person — and Terrible People like me.

It’s just that my two kiddos with disability have been entrenched in an argument that’s lasted days. They’ve yelled at each other. They’ve called each other names in ragey voices. They’ve rolled their eyes. They’ve tried to bait the rest of us into taking sides. And still it’s not settled why we’re celebrating Independence Day on July 4th. ...  read more