When Things Become Undoable, We Shall Henceforth Use This Phrase…

New Plan: When things become undoable, we shall henceforth use this phrase…

……………………

Last night, I was texting with my friend Heidi. She may or may not have had a few blackberry lemon drops from The Grain Station in McMinnville, Oregon, where the Very Best blackberry lemon drops are made, and I may or may not have been bored out of my mind at a college basketball game where I really just went to watch my daughter’s dance team perform. ...  read more

Free Marriage Advice

I would like a massage, please. The hot rock kind even though I’ve never had it. I feel like hot rocks might push through the muscle tension keeping me wired like a preteen at a sleepover. Also, I’d like my hot rock massage to be on the cliff of a tropical island, inside a gazebo with loose, gauzy curtains rippling with the warm breeze. There shall be butterflies drunkenly making their way through the usual air mazes invisible to human eyes, and no flies or fleas or stinging bugs.  ...  read more

Words Matter. Right Now, Not Mine. The Legacy of MLK, Jr. and Amplifying the Voices of People of Color.

The life, words, and example of Martin Luther King, Jr. matter, and, not unlike Jesus Christ, not a diminished, sanitized, coopted version, either. MLK was a visionary, a revolutionary, a justice-monger, and a pot-stirrer. He sided with people who were powerless, poor, disenfranchised, and marginalized. He was mocked, criticized, and, ultimately, violently slaughtered. It’s popular and pretty to share our favorite quotes by MLK, Jr. in January every year. It’s not very popular to recognize, as a white person, my culpability in supporting the racial power paradigm that persists in America. The truth is sickening and uncomfortable, but it’s the truth nevertheless: if I’m not standing up for justice today, I would not have stood up for justice then. If I’m not marching now, I would not have marched then. If I’m not making the complacent and corrupt in power uncomfortable— and afraid that I will fight tooth and nail with increasing masses to unseat them— then I’m following neither MLK’s example, nor Christ’s.  ...  read more

My Christmas Isn’t Going According to Plan — How You Doin’?

I have to type this fast before my kid throws up again.

I should be using my time to make cinnamon rolls since Christmas is tomorrow, but cinnamon rolls require standing, and OMG I JUST WANT TO SIT A MINUTE.

Our Christmas isn’t going according to plan.

It’s OK. Truly. I’ve been doing this parenting gig long enough that I can flex with change like a ninja. Like a superhero who can slow time to dodge machine gun fire. Like a contortionist-turned-master-thief avoiding the impenetrable grid of laser beams in the private bank vault of the nefarious (but unbelievably hot) villain. Change of plans? Yippee ki yay, mother effer. Do your worst. ...  read more

To My Pontiac Who Saved a Person I Love: Thank You for Your Service

Do you ever wonder what a car sees? The things to which a good car bears witness? 

Tiny humans moving from infant carriers to car seats to boosters.

Potty accidents and coffee spills.

Singing and laughing and playing. And screaming and tears and the quiet of grief.

Windows rolled down while the radio blasts. Ice cream drips and gummy bears that melt in the inferno of summer. ...  read more

Rebrewing Coffee: A Brief Cautionary Tale

In a grand fit of laziness or misguided frugality this morning, I decided I could rebrew my coffee grounds from yesterday. I figured tea leaves are good for more than one cup (although I feel certain there are Tea Afficionados out there who will set me straight), therefore, why not coffee?

IMPORTANT: You cannot brew coffee grounds twice.

You can’t.

Truly. ...  read more